Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
