He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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