Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
