his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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