Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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