I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
