3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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