you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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