i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
