can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
