dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
