How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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