Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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