we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
