Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
