we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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