everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
