I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
