would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
