I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
