That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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