Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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