drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
