dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
