Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
