are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
