Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
