As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
