I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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