Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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