i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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