That reminds me...we need to get swords
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
