So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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