the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jerry, you need to find god
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
