Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
