idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You made out with two different species that night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
