Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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