just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You smell like stripper and shame
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
