He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
