you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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