How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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