dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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