this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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