Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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