I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
