he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
