Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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