Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
