I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
