Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
