That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
